Bandito's life starting to mirror my own (again:)

This was my "office" on campus in the library today.  I like coming up here cause I get to  ride my longboard from my truck.  I got one for myself for Easter.  Random I know, but not boring or normal:)

I spent an hour in the car with Erin yesterday on the way to "Once" (which was incredible btw) talking more about this new story idea.  It's something I can write passionately because it's kind of a version of what I'm going through.  I told Erin yesterday, "Don't let me do this again.  Don't let me try to write another show.  It's too hard and I don't like what it does to me."  She was amazing as usual and reminded me that I've been through this stage before.  Many (too many) times in fact.  She reminded me to find what I love about the process and to look for ways to make it fun.  The next 6 weeks are gonna be he double hockey sticks on one hand but I have to make it fun for me.  I have to be able to get excited about what I'm doing.  Today I was excited about it in spurts.  I got the general outline of the story worked out.  There are still things that need adjusting and tweaked and a whole lot of the stuff in between that needs to be worked out.

I'm not sure if I was serious when I told her that I didn't want to do this anymore.

Bandito, in this story, has reached a certain level of success and competency and is regarded as someone very successful and unique, but he's bored with it.  It doesn't excite him like it used to.  It stresses more than it excites.  He feels a pull towards something else although he's not sure what.  Of course it ends up being rap music.  He was destined to pursue a  music career.  The details are certainly not the same, but that's what I'm going through.  Do I want to end up where this road is taking me?  Do I need to start creating a slightly different road?  Am I built for a truly entrepreneurial life where I start businesses and build them for a couple of years and then sell them?  Maybe.  I think I'm a pretty "stick to it" kind of a guy, but some of my life history would suggest otherwise.  Maybe I need a big change every once in a while.  Maybe my creativity is stifled by just trying to write musicals and even more boxed in by writing only Juanito Bandito musicals.  I have other ideas for other creative projects I want to try.  Things I would spend time watching/listening to etc.

Anyhoo, here is the outline as of this very second to document the progression of the show:


Juanito Bandito is at the top of his gang.  He lives in the middle of nowhere with his new business partner, MAGNUS Ankleburt III.  Magnus is his sidekick, waits on him, advises him etc.  He has worked all his life to become the baddest bad guy in the history of the world and his goal has been realized.  He wonders why it doesn’t feel more awesomer to be this awesome.  What if you work super hard to make something happen only to reach the peak and then realize that it’s not the peak you were meant to reach.  There is something else out there, but what?  What is this feeling inside telling me that there is a calling for em.  A great work I am meant to accomplish.  This is all spoken in a rap song at the beginning of the show, in the end he speaks with MAGNUS and asks him what he was meant to do.  MAGNUS says I don’t know but that was a really sick beat.  Ding!  That’s it.  I was meant to be a rap artist. 

Mentions that he dabbled in the idea in the early nineties.  I used to do mashups before mashups were cool.  A different take on popular songs.  Does a couple of them.

MAGNUS and he discuss the possibilities.  Scale of one to ten, how good of a rapper am I?  11.  But to really tip the scales and make a dent in the music world you need something special.  An “it” factor.  You need your own special “schtick” if you will.  I need a stick?  No not stick.  Schtick.  A gimmick, a stunt, some kind of secret weapon, ploy that makes you stand out in the world.  I mean seriously how many semi-fictional Spanish villain rappers are there in the world?  I dunno but probably a lot.  It’s so cliche.  You need to come up with something to help yourself stand out.  How many gun-toting, evil-minded, law-evading rappers are there in the world.  I dunno, how many?  A lot.  Really?  Really.  Former semi-fictional Spanish outlaw turned rapper, please.  You guys are a dime a dozen.

Think about it:

Eminem: whiteness
JayZ: wife
Gaga: meat dress
Miley Cyrus: the unnecessary nudity and random sticking out of the tongue
Pharrell: the stupid looking hat
Snoop:  the hair
Michael Jackson: the fact that you couldn’t understand a word of what he sang
What’s my schtick?

I was doing what I usually do on a tuesday morning, updating my fb and catching up with my thousands of friends when I came upon this youtube video and I found my stick.  Schtick.  Right, that’s what I said.  It was my gimmick, my way of standing out.  Check it out, I’ll play the video for you.  Can you all see?  Here I’ll come a little closer.  Can everybody see?  Check it out.

Plays an intro video that looks like it’s going to be about viagra but it’s about something entirely different.  20 seconds. 

Pause.  Okay are you ready for this?  No, that wasn’t my schtick, that was one of those ads that plays before the videos.  Here it is.

It’s a promo video for LINDSEY and AMOS.  At the end it says, call now to book LINDSEY in your town.  So I did, I booked LINDSEY and it was amazing!

Bigger number with LINDSEY and AMOS dancing.  Tuh duh!  Blackout.

BANDITO has invited AMOS and LINDSEY to his home.  PIETRA is serving them tacos and magnus is waiting on them.  BANDITO says the show is awesome but can I be frank?  It’s not what it could be.  What do you mean?  I mean, with a the right kind of vision from the right kind of person, you could be big time.  No more living life on the road from town to town, we’ll get people to come from all around the world to get a glimpse of LINDSEY and her special skills.  How much money are we talking?  Slides it across table.  Are you serious?  And that’s only gonna be in year number 1.  With the right marketing and the right angle, LINDSEY will be more popular than Wicked.  What do you mean angle?  Well, not so much an angle, but with the right person.  Which person?  This is hard to say, but can I be frank?  You’re holding the act down.  You need someone who can stand up next to Lindsey’s star power.  Someone who has already created a name for himself in the world, albeit illegally.  You?  Okay, I accept.  Wait.  If you insist.  You want to take over my act.  Don’t worry, you can open for us.  And we’ll give you a cut of the profits.  How much?  What do you say we split it right down the middle 80-20.  80 20?  80 for me, 20 for you.  If you don’t mind, how did you come up with those numbers?  Basically I took an objective measure of our own individual overall awesomeness and that’s what it comes out to ... roughly.  80-20.  Wait a minute.  Or we could go by height?  80-20.  You are not 4 times taller than me.  Overall quality of facial hair?  However you look at it, 80-20.  What do you think?  My associate has drawn up the contract (something going on with LINDSEY), all you have to do is sign on the line.  Mr. Bandito I appreciate your hospitality but I’m going to have to decline.  I don’t think you understand.  Nobody “declines” on Juanito Bandito.  This is a take it or lose it kind of an offer, do you understand?  What? I’m the fastest gun in the world.  Are you threatening me?  Does this answer your question?  Fake gun shot thing with MAGNUS or someone offstage.  Improv funniness.  Thanks but no thanks.  Magnus: well that didn’t go as planned.  Magnus that’s something that’s taken me years to understand.  It’s something my grandmother used to say to me:  Bandito, she would say, stroking her mustache, sometimes things don't go as planned and when that happens, the weak people just give up and don’t try anymore, but if you want to make it happen you have to keep trying because if you don’t keep trying it probably will not happen because nobody is trying to make it happen anymore so it probably isn’t going to happen... anymore.  That’s what she said?  Word for word.  Profound. 

Yes. ... I don’t know what that word means.



...... It means ... I’m not really sure what it means either.

The plan is that MAGNUS will be his manager. 

Scene with LINDSEY HILDA and AMOS.  Get in your cage you useless bag of hair.  She makes noise.  You’re hungry are ya?  Here.  Goes to give her food and then eats it himself.  Laughs at her maniacally.  He’s just a big bully.  She whimpers and he slams the cage.  Quiet you worthless sack of fleas!  You think you’re so great don’t you?  Oh, look at me, I’m LINDSEY the dancing monkey, I’m the star of the show, nobody cares about the genius that taught you the steps, the man that choreographed the dance, that put the act together.  No, it’s all about the monkey.  Oh look mommy, a dancing monkey.  But what about the man?  What man?  I only see the monkey!  Can I be frank Mr. Moody, go ahead frank.  Your act is mediocre at best.  LINDSEY needs someone who can stand up to her star power.  You’re useless.  You’re second best.  etc!

He suddenly gets notification from Lord Wilkshire that he agrees to the price and he would like to arrange a meeting to finalize the deal.  They’re super excited cause they’re gonna be rich.  Maybe they sing a song about no more monkey business.  We don’t learn what Mr. Wilkshire will do with the monkey but we get a sense that it is not good.

She whimpers again about the food.  Quiet!  You’re hungry?  Well you’d better enjoy that sensation while it lasts because sooner than later you won’t be feeling hungry anymore.  You won’t be feelin’ anything.  You’ll be feeling d-!  Who goes there?  Checks around.  BANDITO has heard part of the rant.  Not another word.  You’re nothin’ without me, you hear me?  Nothin’!  Beds down for the night. 

BANDITO sneaks in and opens the cage and LINDSEY escapes.  AMOS wakes up just in time to see BANDITO running off.

Next day, BANDITO has been up all night with MAGNUS trying to find LINDSEY.  No luck.

AMOS enters with DARCY.  She’s the prosecuting attorney in the fed’s case against BANDITO.  I advise you to return the man’s gorilla and the court will be more likely to give you a plea deal that does not involve a short drop and a sudden stop.   

You and what army?  The united states army to be exact.  What?  The president decided that this monkey kidnapping was the last straw so he dispatched from Washington his most trusted US marshall at the head of 100 armed cavalrymen.  They’ll be here within the week.

I’ll face them head on, how many are there?  100.  I will not face them head on.  I will run.

Run wherever you like but these men have been instructed to bring you back dead or alive.  Preferably dead.  Run or hide, you’re finished.  Your days of outlaw freedom are numbered Mr. Bandito.  I’m sorry to tell you.

MAGNUS and BANDITO discuss what to do.  MAGNUS has a plan that is ridiculous.  BANDITO says let’s find the monkey.

DARCY has invited BANDITO to dinner at PIETRA taco truck.  BANDITO asks for a second plate.  PIETRA says this is the last of the beef, I’ll have to kill another cow.  DARCY is fascinated by BANDITO.  Completely different than before.  Hair down, glasses off.  She’s genuinely interested in his story. 

BANDITO says but what about you.  You’re pretty good at this prosecuting thing?  I’m the best.  Really.  Yes.  I’ve never lost.  I can’t lose, I’m too good.  I could get a jury to convict mother teresa.  Says that there’s always been something more she feels like she should be doing. 

Song about how she convicts the criminals, some of the baddest outlaws of the west and as they go off to prison she kind of wishes she could trade them lives.  Not for the robbing and the cheating and the killing, but for the freedom.  For once I wanna wake up not knowing what I’m going to do that day.  I want to run from the authorities with the wind at my back.  She feels like there’s adventure out there to be had.

BANDITO says I’ve got a business proposition for you.  Help me out with this teeny weeny plan to get me out of Peligro alive and I’ll offer you a spot on his creative team for his rap career.  She will replace MAGNUS because BANDITO doesn’t trust him.  Whispers the plan to her.  She says that’s crazy but genius.  Would it work?  Says there will be some illegalities involved but it will be an adventure.  She thinks about it but declines.  I have to honor my commitment and then I’ll think about it.  You mean after I’m convicted and dead.  Yes.  Once your dead I will consider your offer.

DARCY leaves.  PIETRA comes running out chasing LINDSEY the cow!  BANDITO calms him and says this isn’t a cow, it’s a unicorn. ???  You can’t eat unicorns, it’s very bad luck.  Takes LINDSEY from PIETRA.

Shows LINDSEY his apartment and tells her that tomorrow we will be off on a great adventure.  Speaks to her like a normal human and she responds in such a way that BANDITO isn’t sure if she understands or not.  Pretty sure not, but just in case he includes her anyway.

BANDITO gives LINDSEY food cause she’s been starving.  She likes the stuff in his room.  Skateboard, basketball hoop, trumpet, guitar.  MAGNUS comes in and BANDITO says I’ve got the monkey.  Now what?  I don’t know.  That’s your job.  You’re the manager.  Do you have an airplane?  No.  Dang.  A motorcycle?  No.  Those little ice cream dots that are frozen and delicious?  Dippin’ dots?  Yes.  What does that have to do with anything?  Sorry I’m a little hungry.  Let’s sleep on it and I’ll have a plan by tomorrow.

Time for sleep now.  She steals his cot when he gets up to get something.  She points to the guitar and BANDITO plays her a lullaby that he used to know.

He falls asleep and she gets up and runs away again.  Takes something funny with her.  Little funny joke at the end and blackout.


Same night.  MAGNUS comes to AMOS.  They’ve obviously met before now.  Yes, the monkey is in his house right now.  Let’s go get it.  No, it’s not that simple.  He is the fastest gun in the West.  You can’t just walk in and take his gorilla.  MY gorilla.  Yes of course.  I’m just saying it will require a touch of finesse if you will.  What did you have in mind?  Kill BANDITO.  Kill him?  Song about methods of killing BANDITO.  MAGNUS has fantasized about it for years. 

HILDA comes in and reveals to MAGNUS that they plan to sell LINDSEY to the collector and he’ll skin her and put her in a museum.  MAGNUS is conflicted.  Wait, he’s going to kill LINDSEY?  Yes.  Is that a problem Mr...?  Ankleburt.  Really?  Yes really.  Let me get this straight, you want us to help you kill BANDITO and that’s okay but you have a problem with us killing the gorilla?  She’s so cute.  You’re messed up.  But I like it.

Reprise of the song when they convince him to heck with it, let’s get it done.  You can have BANDITO’s money and go down in history as the one who killed the infamous BANDITO.  Woohoo!  Does DARCY overhear???

The next morning MAGNUS comes into BANDITO house telling him he has an amaaaaazing plan.  An incredible plan.  A plan so perfect it couldn’t be more perfect.  We’re talking super duper perfect.  What is it?  I’ll tell you but first you must drink your morning tea.  Tea?  I don’t drink tea.  Wait, where’s the monkey?  The monkey?!  DARCY comes in and tries to get BANDITO not to drink the tea.  I need to speak to you in private.  Regarding what we spoke about last night.  MAGNUS can you give us some privacy?  He covers his ears.  She’s not convinced.  MAGNUS we know you can still hear us.  If you can still hear us don’t smile.  Don’t smile when I make this sound.  Silliness.  Magnus please can you give us some real privacy?!  Of course, I’m sorry.  Covers his hears and says nah nah nah etc.  BANDITO turns to DARCY as if that’s thee way it is always done and she says, do not drink the tea.  Says it in a smiley way laughing so that MAGNUS doesn’t know what she’s saying.

Should Darcy overhear and have a part in this scene or should she just end up in the next scene?

MAGNUS accidentally drinks the drink and dies. 

Transition quickly to the end of MAGNUS’s funeral.  There’s some sort of argument about the monkey, AMOS is about to kill BANDITO but LINDSEY jumps in and saves him.  Standoff between AMOS and BANDITO and DARCY unexpectedly shoots him in the back.  He falls dead.  That takes care of that. 

GARRETT enters looking for BANDITO.  He’s dead.  Good.  one more problem, what bout the murder?  She frames AMOS for MAGNUS’s murder.  Flatters GARRETT into believing her.  He exits with AMOS as his prisoner.  PIETRA and HILDA finally get together.

They're gone and we learn that BANDITO was faking.  DARCY and her were in on it together.  You’re going to live the life of an outlaw now, are you tough enough?

MANAGER enters and offers BANDITO a contract based on his first silly mashup videos.  Says he wants just BANDITO and not the monkey.  You don’t need a schtick.  You’re all the schtick you need.  Maybe a joke about how he’s an outlaw with no moral compass etc kind of joke.  You’re a perfect rapper.  Sign here.  Signing bonus.  How much?  Slides paper across to DARCY. BANDITO declines the offer.  Says he’s gonna schtick with LINDSEY.

Man is upset.  You’ll never make it with a monkey on your back.  For the record I thought you were smarter than that. 

DARCY asks if he has this money with him.  He says yes, she pulls gun, how would you like to become the first investor in BANDITO rap career?

Now you’re getting it!

Big ending rap number.  Do the monkey with a specific dance move and a catchy hook.